


The Horrors of Natural Birthing and It's Rewards

by darklumi



Series: The Boogie Tales [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Attempt at Humor, BAMF Natasha Romanov, F/M, Female Tony Stark, Happy Ending, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Natasha makes a good midwife, because i like happy endings!, but it seems cracky, cliche baby names, men being men, more Tony angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-05
Updated: 2013-07-05
Packaged: 2017-12-16 19:15:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/865602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darklumi/pseuds/darklumi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>However, when her water did break on August Tenth, just a little bit into dinner time, a few of them maybe, possibly, might have had a breakdown. Which wasn't apart of the plan at all. They would all look back and laugh, in retrospect it all being very hilarious, but at that moment, when Toni had calmly said "I think my water broke," it was as if pure chaos had erupted in the room.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Horrors of Natural Birthing and It's Rewards

To say the least it wasn't as if the Avengers weren't ready for Toni to pop, because they were, and frankly, it looked like it would happen any minute; because she looked like she had a basketball or two in her belly. The Avengers had been practicing what they needed to do for weeks to the point the continuous drill was becoming mundane, but they all humored Steve because he was a first time daddy and he wanted everything to be perfect. When the time came, when the baby finally decided it was time to greet the world, they knew they would be prepared, they knew their stations and their jobs, they knew where everything was, including Toni's overnight bag, resting by the door along with her slippers. They all knew who had to be called, including the Toni's baby doctors, a few superheroes, Pepper, and Rhodey, and they knew who was going to be in the room, helping Toni along, and who would be waiting down the hall, twiddling their thumbs.

However, when her water did break on August Tenth, just a little bit into dinner time, a few of them maybe, possibly, might have had a breakdown. Which wasn't apart of the plan at all. They would all look back and laugh, in retrospect as it all being very hilarious, but at that moment, when Toni had calmly said "I think my water broke," it was as if pure chaos had erupted in the room.

It had been a warm evening, the traffic blazing down the streets of New York, and they had all gathered for a delicious meal. Her contractions had started a little after lunch and the intervals between had steadily gotten shorter, leaving them to bite their nails and fiddling with their food, and nibbling little bites between her squeaks and moans. A few seats were left vacated seeing as Thor was in New Mexico visiting Jane and Darcy, promising to return by the end of the week, Jan and Hank were in France at a fashion runway, checking out the competition according to Jan, and Storm and Logan were away at Xavier's school, looking in on the youngsters. It left the Avengers a tad short handed, as Toni who had been on baby leave since the beginning of March, and the only ones on duty were Bruce, Clint, Natasha, and Steve.

They were half way through dinner when Toni had a sudden in take of breath, eyes fluttering close, before she calmly set her fork and knife down, one hand shot to her bulging belly. Everyone's eyes focused on her like hawks, searching for any sign of pain, with her being pregnant it left the others a little on edge.

Steve rubbed her back. "Are you alright?"

"Ma'am do you require assistance? Should I call the hospital?" Jarvis' British voice echoed through the room, sounding oddly worried for an AI.

"No, I think my water just broke," was the calm reply, "or I just peed my pants," were the words that set off a chain of events in which the Avengers, despite being the mighty superheroes, can sadly, be totally unprepared to handle such situations as a baby being born.

Steve jumped from his seat. "Code: Baby!" The others pushed back from the table and in a mad rush Clint tripped over his own feet, face planting on the dinning room floor and Bruce and Steve collided, well, more like Steve bulldozed over the other man. There was a bunch of yelling, including Jarvis reminding them of certain items they were forgetting in their rush, and throwing as the men shuffled bags to the door.

"Oh god! Where are the shoes?!" Clint's fingers disappeared into his blonde hair, his eyes searching frantically for the footwear that was missing.

"Do you think they realize it takes a few hours before I dilate enough for the baby to pop out?" Toni smirked.

"I don't think so. Come on, let's get you cleaned up and changed." Natasha smoothly slide over, grasping the other woman's arm and helping her to her feet. They slowly made their way for the master bedroom.

"What are you guys doing? It's baby time! Let's go!" Clint shouted, shouldering another bag and somehow trying to manage enough capability to get his shoes on.

"We have hours before we actually need to be there." Toni replied. "So relax."

"What are we suppose to do then?" Bruce instantly looked lost, waiting wasn't part of the plan until after they got to the hospital. "I don't know what to do!"

"Calm down. Watch TV." Natasha supplied, with that the women left the room. "We'll be right back."

Bruce, Clint, and Steve looked at each other, dropping the bags where they stood, before they all settled in the living room. "This is so nerve racking." Clint murmured, the others couldn't help but agree. "I can't wait till it's all over."

They jerked to attention when they heard a yelp. Then Natasha and Toni reappeared, rushing to the door. "Nope, never mind, let's go!" Toni shouted, her knees knocking together as a rather intense contraction racked her body. "Oh boy." She breathed shakily. "I am not going to look forward to this." Natasha helped her out the door, not bothering to wait for the men, as they slowly made their way down the hall to the elevator. The sleek doors were already open for them by the time they made it down the long stretch, they climbed inside, turning to face the men scrabbling down the hall with the extra baggage. They made quite a sight with their hair ruffled and clothes all disheveled.

"Just breath, Tonya." Natasha murmured soothingly, brushing Toni's hair back. The ride down to the garage was faster than normal, the doors opening before the elevator had fully stopped, as the group of heroes made a mad rush to the SHIELD black SUV parked nearby. Clint stuffed the bags in the trunk as Steve and Natasha helped Toni into the middle row of the vehicle for an easy exit. After buckling the pregnant woman in Steve placed himself at her swollen feet, rubbing her shakey legs. Bruce clambered into the driver seat, his hand trembled with a nervous twitch as he tried to stick the key into the ignition with little success as Clint joined him in the front.

"Brucey, I don't know about you but seeing as you don't have a baby head exiting your vagina at the moment, I suggest you get a move on it!" Toni yelled, wincing at the pain caused by another contraction. She knew yelling at Bruce probably wasn't the best idea she had ever had, seeing as there was a possibility he might hulk out, but she couldn't find the thought to care as mass amounts of pain were all focused on downstairs. The scientist managed to get the key in the ignition, turning the car on, and zooming out the garage like a bat out of hell. He cut corners, zooming around other drivers, and honking his horn for all it's worth like a true New Yorker. Steve was sure the smaller man had even managed to get the car on two wheels at one point, he had to brace himself several times, surprised he hadn't ended out a window, as he was the only one without a seat belt on. They zoomed past buildings, streetlights, and narrowly missing pedestrians, which Steve was thankful for because he didn't think "my wife is having a baby" was a good reason for murder.

"Did you call anyone?" Natasha questioned Clint. Her eyes never strayed from the gasping woman beside her, she would sweetly stroke ebony hair from the sweating face, before dabbing her forehead with her sleeve.

"Dammit!" Clint wasted no time pulling out his phone, he quickly dialed a number, and as soon as the phone had been answered Clint shouted into the transmitter, "Toni's having her baby," before hanging up and punching in a new number. The drive was filled with Clint's rambling, "Why does there have to be so many bloody people," as he continued his quest of number dialing, Toni's heavy breathing and squealing tires. The journey to the hospital might have seemed relatively short for the others but in Toni's opinion it took ages and the soothing words of Russian and English that fell from Natasha's lips help some but what didn't calm her she took out on Steve's hand, squeezing tightly.

Bruce took a sharp turn and the car screeched to a halt at the hospital front doors. Clint ripped the door open, helping Steve get Toni out of the vehicle, swinging her arms over their shoulders, they carried her weight through the automatic doors of the hospital. "Doctor, doctor! We got a birthing woman here!" Clint shouted. Several nurses rushed over and in a matter of moments Toni was laid out in a bed, the lights and walls became a blur, the comforting weight of Steve's hand in hers and the gentle words of Natasha pacifying her fears and pain away.

"Just breathe, breathe. Remember in through the nose and out the mouth." Natasha murmured in her ear. Her words were followed by something indecipherable, as her mother tongue dripped out of her mouth swirling into Toni's ears. Toni followed her advice, breathing hard and shakily expelling oxygen.

"Geez, where are the drugs?" Toni yelped. "Give me the drugs."

"Go ahead and squeeze Steve's hand." Natasha advised. "Your pain is his pain." Toni took the moment to do exactly that, smiling a bit as the man winced. The mother-to-be took comfort in grasping tightly to her husband's hand, trying to convey her pain to him each time a contraction hit. Her clothes were cut away from her form to be replaced by a backless gown while they waited for the doctor to arrive which wasn't long after.

Dr. Bethany an older woman, she was nearing fifty, her blonde hair streaked with grey, and her bright eyes hidden by thick rimmed glasses. She smiled a bit, leaning over the still gasping form of her patient, before saying, "Hello Toni, how are you dear?"

"I feel like I have to take a shit what do you think?" The younger woman gasped.

Steve blushed. "Toni-"

"It's alright, that seems to be the typical response from women about to give birth." Dr. Bethany chuckled. She pulled up a stool, situating herself between Toni's spread legs. She briefly lifted the blanket. "Let's see here, well, it seems like you about ready to go. Aren't you lucky? Most women have to wait for a few hours. I'm going to the pit crew and get cleaned up and by then I would say it's ready to start pushing." She dropped the blanket and disappeared. It wasn't long before they were joined by nurses in blue scrubs, latex covering their hands, and maskings hiding their faces. For a brief moment Natasha and Steve were also excused from the room to change into their own scrubs leaving her to grasp at the metal railings of the bed. Her eyes nervously followed the blue silhouettes of the nurses as they shuffled around the room, the more she watched them the more worried she became, Toni finally decided the best course of action was to squeeze her eyes shut and concentrate on breathing. Toni jumped when a warm palm settled on her forehead, her eyes shot open to see Steve's furrowed brows and worried eyes staring right back at her.

"Hey," he whispered, his hand smoothed her hair back before he silently removed her hand from the metal rail, her fingers swallowed by the width of his palm.

She smiled back. "Hey."

"You ok there?"

"Fuck no. I'm kind of scared." Toni bit her lip, her eyes filled with a tiny bit of confusion and fright, she gazed up at her husband, who simply tightened his grasp of her fingers.

"Don't be." He whispered. "I'll be here every step of the way."

"I'm glad." Toni breathed, gasping sharply as another contraction shot up her spine. "I don't know what I'd do without you." He chuckled and shrugged.

Natasha walked over, from where she had been chatting with a nurse, a rubber band held in one hand. "Let's get your hair up and out of the way, Tonya." With Steve's help Toni was able to lean forward slightly for Natasha to gather the messy black curls up into a sloppy but efficient bun. "Ready?"

Toni nodded. "Yeah I think so."

Dr. Bethany scooted over, pushing Steve out of the way. "Ok here's the deal if you are staying in the room don't get in the way and you each have a job. Okey dokey? Ok little lady this is your job: ice chips." Dr. Bethany turned to Natasha, who frowned at the nick name. "Toni here, is going to be sweating like a pig, you keep her hydrated." The doctor turned to Steve. "And you big boy, you stand by her side and encourage her. If you want a little peakie at the baby you can slide on down here and look all you want, but I'd appreciate it if you don't faint. We will just leave you on the ground. Heaven knows why men even bother..." She trailed off and plopped herself down in her spot behind the blue curtain draped down over Toni's sprawled legs.

Steve turned to his wife uncertain.

"Don't even think about looking," Toni hissed.

Soon after that the birthing was underway. The room filled with the sounds of the heart monitor, Steve's quiet encouragement, and the doctor's instructions. It all escalated at the peak of the pain, Natasha started to yell frantically telling her to breath and push in Russian and English while feeding her ice chips and wipping her forehead free of sweat. There were even moments when Natasha and Toni managed to spew out a few insults at one person or another while Steve would hysterically apologize for the two women's behavior. All in all Dr. Bethany was having blast, often yelling above the screams to add her two cents, the nurses were fighting for the slightest reason to leave the room, in which Natasha would cut them off blocking them from freedom, and Steve was a nervous wreck, sweating and flushed like he was the one giving birth.

The best part was when Thor burst into the room with a bang and yelling, "Oh joyous day! The birth of the next generation!" That was also before he caught sight of the baby crowning in which he thought was an alien and was trying to kill her. Steve was able to barely subdued Thor and throw him out of the room.

Toni knew she would have found this all very entertaining if it wasn't for the waves of pain from her contractions and all the pushing, but Toni took a special pleasure of crunching down on the ice while squeezing Steve's hand for all it was worth.

But she was rewarded with a final push, a feeling of emptiness, and a baby cry. She leaned back, gasping for breath, trying to calm her racing heart. Natasha carefully swiped her face, smiling a small little peak of the lips, while she sweetly said, "You did it, Tonya."

"Never again." She whined, opening her eyes she caught Steve's eye. There was a glint of pure happiness that she always saw when she said 'I love you' to him, he was practically bouncing on his toes, looking over to the other side of the room, trying to get a glimpse of the small wiggling body. Then she thought it was all worth it and maybe going through this again wouldn't be so bad.

Dr. Bethany peaked up from behind the blue curtain, smiling, and announced, "Congratulations, it's a boy." The small bundle was brought over, scrunched red face and all, and placed into Toni's arms.

Steve bent down to give a solid wet kiss to Toni's, a proud grin peaking around his lips, and another to her forehead where he whispered against her skin, "You did it baby."

"We did it, stupid." Toni gazed down at the squirming child, her fingers lighting touching his beautiful face. "Hi Boogie, I'm your mommy."

 

When she was finally moved out of the birthing room and into a private one, were the Avengers allowed to see her. Steve and Natasha had removed their scrubs and Toni had been washed up and given a new gown and clean linens. She laid back against the inclined bed, exhausted, watching with a fond smile as Steve proudly presented James Anthony "Boogie" Rogers to people gathered in the room.

Jan clasped her hands beneath her chin. "Oh, what a beautiful baby!" She gazed up at Steve. "Can I hold him?"

Steve, hesitated, even withdrawing the baby from the grabby hands of Jan. "Only if you sit down."

Jan pouted before situating herself in a chair near the bed. "There. Geez, I should have known you were going to be a protective daddy. Now baby!" Steve gingerly handed Boogie over, standing near, gazing at the baby over the woman's shoulder. Ororo and Jan continued to coo over the baby, making faces, and laughing at the slightly confused look the baby had.

"It looks like a monkey." Logan said peering over the female mutant's shoulder.

"No he doesn't." Ororo glared.

"Fine, a baby monkey." The storm goddess sighed heavily, knowing better to even start, because Logan was as stubborn as they come.

"Sorry I'm late," Hank entered the room, dragging a giant brown bear in after him. "I didn't know which bear I should get so I got the biggest one."

"You do know that thing won't fit in the crib right?" Logan smirked.

Hank looked confused for a second before he glanced down at the bear. "I knew I should have gone with the blue duck."

"It's fine Hank. I'm sure Boogie will love it when he's big enough to play with it." Toni said.

"I also got these." Hank pulled out a bouquet from behind his back. He placed the bear by the bed, handing the new mommy the flowers. "Congrats."

"Thank you Hanky." Toni carefully grab the bundle. "Have you seen Clint and Bruce?"

"Yeah, they were in the lobbing talking to some cops." Hank murmured. "Something about speeding and illegal parking."

"Oh boy."

There was a knock at the door, Thor peaking in through a tiny sliver. "Is it ok to come in?"

"Of course it is big guy." Toni beckoned the god in, who ducked in quickly.

"I'm sorry for my intrusion and congratulations." Thor began, Toni waved her hand, dismissing the apology. "I'm here to also pass along my sweet Jane and Darcy's apologies for not being here to celebrate this most wondrous occasion. I kind of forgot them." If Thor had puppy dog ears, Toni was sure they would be drooping right now. "I also would like to present these gifts from Son of Coul and the stalwart Fury." After depositing the gifts into Toni's lap Thor zoomed to the other side of the room and gazed down at the baby with his big blue eyes and peach blonde trindles of hair. "This is a great warrior in the making."

Clint and Bruce entered the room, both of them looked hassled and tired. "Stupid pigs." Clint mumbled sitting down next to Natasha. Bruce made his way over to the where baby was, wiggling his fingers into the baby's hold. "Dr. Richards and his gang are going to head on over tomorrow, bright and early."

"I hate you." Toni glared and Clint smirked. "Call them back and tell them to come later."

"No can do sweet-cheeks." Clint laughed.

Steve bit his lip, looking around the congregation that had gathered in the room. "Did anyone call Pepper?" A mighty crowd of superheroes were here, oogling at the baby, minus one soon to be livid Stark Industries CEO.

"Shit..."


End file.
